Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just high enough for therapy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
