so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
