Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Randomize