I wish I could punch you in the face.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
