Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
