We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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