I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
