he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
