I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
