I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
