working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize