Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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