I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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