Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
