I look better un-naked...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
