Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
