Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
