I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
