if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
