Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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