I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
