life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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