she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
