my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
