I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
