OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
