I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
