I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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