I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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