I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
