adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just want nice things and good sex
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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