MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
