I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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