We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
