Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
