I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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