Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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