she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
