She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
