We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
