I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
