I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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