when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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