i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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