wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
