Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
