Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
