Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
