There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
