We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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