Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
