I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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