I cannot find my penis.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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