No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just high enough for therapy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize