nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
