Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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