I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
