She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
