i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No subtext here. People are naked.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
