Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
