brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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