Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
