we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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