is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
