I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
