just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
