why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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