Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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