my mouth tastes like poor choices
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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