Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
