When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
