Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize