I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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