Porn is love you can see.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize