i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
